Athena Dreams Design

8 Weeks In

• I've been painting just about everyday, and have several ideas for several series. I wake up with such a different kind of purpose when I'm painting. It's like purpose and joy. Pur-joy? Joy-pose? Yeah, no. Purpose and joy.

• 2 smallish earthquakes were centered just a few miles from my house last wednesday and thursday, and they were the kind that made it feel like someone smacked the side of your house. Not ever to be confused with the rolling, more merry kind of earthquakes.

• There have been earthquake alerts all over the place. I realised, for sure, that I would rather not know. It just makes me worry.

• Does this happen to anyone else? You do like, 5 loads of laundry, you bring all the clean clothes up to the bedroom, you fold and put everything away and then you pick up the clothes that have been deposited on the floor since you started the laundry and the basket's full again. {sigh}

• PG&E shut off our power saturday night, they were doing work on the lines, and I lit all the candles and read by flashlight on the couch with a pile of quilts and a cat sitting on top of me. It was Sweet.

• Having the power shut off at 8pm, encouraged me to go to bed really early. There's only so much to do with a flashlight in your hand, no electricity, and a very dark and chilly house. 

• Does anyone know how to re-grout bathroom tile? We need some serious help with that old grout. So far I've googled and come up with a lot of information that I need an interpreter to help me with, and I've stood in the bathroom and stared at the old tiles and grout, hoping they'll send a message.

• The dog that lives 2 houses over figured out how to get under his fence and into the vacant lot next door to us, his presence there sends my cat running into the house with tail 5X bigger than usual and a lot of cat talk. He's still separated from her by a fence, but I guess a 2 fence separation is more comfortable for her than 1.

• Oh, and just so you have some perspective: the dog might be just a tiny bit bigger than her, and I'm talking a tiny bit. She could so take him.

Testing the Temperature

This morning I got up and when I let the cat out, the thermometer outside the back door told me it was 32. Yeah, 32F. And just so we're all clear, this was not an early rising kind of day, it was 8:15am. I decided it was a good test. I'm leaving for New York early tomorrow morning, and I'm told it's much much colder there right now at the same hour of the morning. So test things I would: I put my walking clothes on and went out for a walk.

And came right back in.

I need a hat. I need mittens. I need things for my neck, and other things to stop any and all drafts from creeping up my back or down my legs. Putting on socks, a t-shirt, yoga pants and a heavy sweater on top was just not going to do it.

So it got me thinking about testing and temperature, and decisions: You know how when you decide to make a radical change in your status quo, or take a stand for yourself in a situation that has been troubling you, or just rearrange the living room furniture after a few years, and all the little creepy crawlies, bugaboos, and other annoying creatures of doubt and unease and uncertainty come out to harangue you?

Well, what if we "dressed" for a change we are planning?
What if we planned for the cold? or the heat?
What if we welcomed a change in temperature and because we were ready for it, it was all smooth sailing?

I've got my hat on, and all other important surfaces are covered by warm cozy things, and back out I go. It's 9:07 and it's now a balmy 33, and I'm ready to walk. Tomorrow, I'll deal with the real cold, today is a test.

A Book and A Pack of Girls = Gathering

Serendipity, happenstance, fortuitous-ness, stars aligning – all of these were in abundance when we  began gathering that first afternoon for Christine's book release. We (read we to mean a pack of girls) walked past these letters on the sidewalk, left no doubt by someone who was changing the marquee at the movie theatre, but letters left without a sitter, are letters that WILL be rearranged. And so the week of the book release begins.

A few highlights for me:

• gathering with old and new friends to celebrate what Christine has created
• a spontaneous hair cut on Venice Beach
• travelling with a pack of girls at all times for 4 days

• feeling perfectly and beautifully imperfect within a circle of friends
• getting dressed for the Event {with a pack of girls}
• standing at the Event, and feeling really and truly honoured to have contributed to this amazing book, with an amazingly gifted group of women
• a spontaneous and exuberantly prepared late dinner after the Event
• the after party gathering that turns into girls night, with one, very well-adjusted man with a really really good sense of humour in attendance

• going to West Hollywood to a friend's Open Studio and buying The perfect painting for my guy for Christmas (oh and one for me too!)
• coffee every morning at the kitchen table, reviewing the day before and planning the day ahead {with a pack of girls}
• planning the next visits and the next times we'll see each other, and being grateful I'm a girl with friends that fill my life with as much joy and honesty and vision as I can hold.

Things I Learned on my Summer Vacation

I'm over at Scoutie Girl today, come on over and talk about your summer vacation . . .

34 Weeks In

 

• I keep reading things where people are saying "Summer is almost over . . " and we here in the Bay Area have just had the 3rd hot-ish day of the summer. Seriously.

• Maybe I'm a freak, (does it make you nervous to read a sentence that starts like that) anyway, BUT, I have not missed a hot summer, one little bit. I got a taste of hot in NH in July, and that's all I really needed. 75 degrees and sunny, give me that every summer and I am Happy.

• On a walk the other evening, I saw some kids with that big fat chalk, drawing on their driveway. It was one of those "damn I wish I had my camera" moments, but I have saved the image in my head. 5 kids. Laying on their bellies on the driveway, each engrossed in their own chalk drawing. Sunset. Golden light on their heads and backs. Pure child concentration energy. Can you see it?

• Thoughts This Week: Social Media. I can't decide. 75% of the time I am "eehhh". Perhaps that means I really am decided.

• I realised this week - for real sure - that I don't like being told what I have to do. There's still enough of the adolescent or the rebel or the realist (maybe a mix of all of those) in me, that I bristle when told things like: This is the way it's done, so you have to do it this way too. (another thought on social media)

• When the new and the fun and the innovative become the norm, then the innovation and the indy depart for other destinations and it's just another establishment (yet another thought on social media - and life).

• My cat just brought me a present, and it's alive and squirming.

Do those Things . . .

My new-est bracelet idea, with minature art pendants and beads, and chain and wire. Wrap it 4x, wrap it 5x and clasp it shut... it shines and shimmers, and tinkles and clinks, and there's always something different to look at....

* * * * * * *

Do those things that make you happy.

Do those things that make you want to get up and do a little happy dance.

Do those things that make you feel 5 years old all over again. Remember bringing home a drawing that you spent an afternoon making in kindergarten, a drawing you loved making from start to finish, to give it to your Mum.

Do those things that make you grin so wide, that your eyes get squinty and your face feels a little stretched out afterwards.

Do those things that you put at the bottom of your list, because there's more important things like: balancing the check book or picking up the dry-cleaning, sweeping the kitchen floor or meeting a deadline. Turn the list upside down, and do the *fun* things that might be at the bottom of yours too.

Do those things that you wake up thinking about.

Do all of those things because they feed every other little thing you could possibly have on your list of must-do's, to-do's and need-to-do's.

Do those things that you are moved to do because they feed your soul, your imagination your spirit and your chi.

Just do those things . . .

 

Going Out into the Morning, to Sing

 

I worried a lot. Will the garden grow, will the rivers
flow in the right direction, will the earth turn
as it was taught, and if not, how shall
I correct it?

Was I right, was I wrong, will I be forgiven,
can I do better?

Will I ever be able to sing, even the sparrows
can do it and I am, well,
hopeless.

Is my eyesight fading or am I just imagining it,
am I going to get rheumatism,
lockjaw, dementia?

Finally I saw that worrying had come to nothing.
And gave it up. And took my old body
and went out into the morning,
and sang.

I Worried by Mary Oliver

One Dream House, or another

Do any of you have dreams that happen in the same house? I mean, different dreams, at different times, but when you enter your dream, you realise that you've been in this house before, that other dreams have occurred here?

I had a dream last night in my "new" house, and when I woke up at at about 5 to the sound of the garbage truck, I made a slightly conscious mental note to remember that I remembered that I had a new dream house, before I fell back to sleep.

When I got up a little bit later this morning, I thought "oh that was cool", and started doing a walk through in my head of the house. It has lots of glass, and has a room for everything that I love. There is a painting studio, a recording studio, 3 living rooms, a big kitchen, a library, many bedrooms, lots of gardens and a lake to swim in.

In my dreams, the house is always slightly different: more furniture, less furniture, art on the walls, bare walls, people, no people, daylight, nighttime, and there is usually some action going on, some problem to solve, some issue to work out. It is, afterall, not so much a Dream House, as a house I go to in my dreams.

One of the things that I find so interesting—if we follow the psychology that this house is ME—is that it is a relatively "new" house in my dreams. I think it's been a go-to-dream-house for maybe 7 or 8 years. Hard to calculate in dream time. I have another house, one that I dream about less and less, but it still pops up, and it's the house I've had dreams inside of since I was a little girl.

It's an old house, full of stairways, and turrets, and windowseats, and rooms that are slightly tippy. It's familiar, and cozy, and whenever I show up at it in one of my dreams, there is a feeling of connection to past times, to many moments, to many people. This older dream house, has small rooms, and you have to walk through one room to get to the next, not a lot of hallways. In some rooms the ceilings are low, in others they are high, and in a very Alice in Wonderland kind of way, the rooms are never quite the same every time.

So it's taken me a while, but now that I've recognised that there has been a second house I dream inside and it's been around for a quite a few years, I'm thinking: wow what else is happening while I'm asleep. No, seriously... I find it intriguing and mysterious and ever so interesting... 2 Dream Houses in one sleeping mind. And will the old rambling funky house stick around, or will I eventuallly move completely into the house with lots of windows. All things to ask of the sleeping mind.

June 2011 .:. Biz Goals

Here was May:

1. Put a list together of 10-12 people I know and ask them about what methods they have used to market their work.
2. Continue working on fabric design portfolio. I won't be going to Quilt Market this May, unexpected cost of a new computer got in the way, but there is another one in the fall!
3. Write announcements and press releases. Target 10-15 blogs and SEND them out!
4. Design Portfolio finish it up and get going with it already.
5. Website.
6. In addition to walking, which I am reinstating, I am adding BREATHE. Holding one's breath when stressed, does not help the stress.

And June will look a lot like her sister May. I have gotten the process started for ALL of these things, and I have more work to do, and will continue on for June.

I found myself May-mid-month looking around, and asking myself: what am I rushing towards? Yes, I need to do some things to keep income coming IN, that's important to our household, and to do that, all the balls need to keep rolling.

But seriously what is the rush? What am I leaping around trying to achieve?

• Is it about looking at the things that others are doing, and feeling like I need to "catch up"?
• Is it about some need to prove myself, not only to myself, but to my peers?
• Is it about moving around and jumping up and down to make myself feel like there is lots of energy around everything I am doing?
• What is at the bottom of all this doing and being and showing and OY . . .  I'm tired.

I mean seriously, does anyone else feel like they started work at the circus only to realise that the circus never sent you to Juggling Camp, and so you're in the side ring (phew! at least it's not the center ring) trying to get the hang of juggling more than 2 balls with the tent full and an auduence watching?

Someone asked me this week, whilst having a discussion about just this topic: what if everything is ok right now, just the way it is? What if there is nothing to rush towards, and nothing to do but be in the moment?

That will be my #7 for June.

Ask that question of yourself - outloud - and see how just asking it, changes how you feel inside that body of yours. For me, all the pressure came off and the search for a clear view of what's ahead became a magnificent view of what's here now.

OK June, we're getting the hang of this... and everything is OK just the way it is.

Finding my Pocket

 

My husband is a bass player, and I hear him talk about many things musical, but mostly he talks about all things as a variation on a groove.
He wants to find it.
He wants to create it.
He wants to move it.
He wants to feel it.
He wants to build on it.

And he also wants a pocket.
And he wants to sit in that pocket. A lot.

When he's performing I usually know when he has settled himself down in that pocket, he gets a big 6-year-old goofy grin on his face, and often times so does the drummer he's playing with.

It's funny but after a lot of years of listening to him talk about this stuff, I am not exactly sure what his definition of the pocket is. I (of course) have my own interpretations:

One of them is: I imagine the pocket to be like getting the perfect rhythm going on a see saw. Both people are about the same size, and neither is into dropping the other one, and neither wants to throw off the balance or end the fun while it's happening.

I am thinking this morning about how I find my pocket. Or pockets. I am thinking about variations on a groove, and I would like to sit in some pockets too. So where do I find a pocket outside of musical references:

• somewhere comfy and happy
• somewhere easy and effortless
• where ideas and energy are able to sustain
• where there is a give and a take
• where I can feel the moment in my mind and my body
• where the energy and dynamics are constantly reworked and recycled and reused and remade

I know I can create a groove on my own, but can I find a pocket on my own, or is more than one person needed to stitch that together? Are you looking for your pocket?