Winter in the Bay area is a very different experience than in most other places I've lived. Things bloom in winter here. Irises start budding before Christmas in my yard, and are in full bloom by the end of January. Narcissus greens sprout up through the cold but unfrozen earth and bloom. The Hardenbergia vines bloom for a month in january and february. Many of the leafy trees never lose there leaves - they lose them and grow them back all year long. All these things felt like a miracle to me when I moved here.
Winters in other climates are harsh. The ground is frozen rock hard and if there is no snow on the ground, everything is shades of grey and brown. If there is snow, and the sun is out, some shades of blue are added to the grey tones. Granted, these are earthy colours that I love, but the eye is always looking for that spot of colour, that bright spot of life.
I was weeding out the grasses and clover today, trying to keep them at an even keel with the things I actually planted in the garden. [My mother who lives back east groans with envy when I tell her things like that.] And cutting back the rudbeckia and japanese anemone that I didn't get to in the fall, when I really should have done it, but didn't have time, and feeling the sun on my back and on the top of my head: warmth. It got me to thinking about how we shine our "light" or our energy on others and there is usually an instantaneous response, like flowers respond to the sun.
I was thinking two thoughts actually: First: wouldn't it be a wonderful thing to take the time and spend the energy to shine some attention on the people in our lives and around us, and do it on purpose. Not happenstance. Not accidently. But with purpose. To just randomly choose a few people every week, and give them a good dose of summer sun, in the depths of these short chilly days of winter. Acknowledge something that is wonderful in them, acknowledge something they they have done/created/begun that is meaningful or special. Shine some positive attention their way.
Secondly: wouldn't it be wonderful to do that for ourselves as well. I was reading the other day some of the Mondo Beyondo things that people have written, and so much of what was being written centered around feeling overwhelmed by That voice – whatever you may call it: the inner critic, the perfectionist, the id, the ogre, the nasty twin – and so many people wanting to push past that voice and take risks, do some of the things that they have been longing to do, but somehow didn't dare.
Is it an accident that we start our new year in mid winter, when days are short and the weather is cold and rainy or snowy? I don't think so. Winter is a time when we slow down, stay inside by the fire [though that changes as each decade goes by, with our lives that move so fast now, so let's pretend that we all still do these thing], we ponder, we make lists, we tell our wishes for the new year to ourselves and/or to those we love. And we think of the sun, and when it will come back around to give us the longer days, and the shadows that spread out so long before us.
I have been feeling stuck. In my thoughts, in my artwork, in my life, and though it is not freezing cold here –the way it is in so many places around the world at this time of year – I am still feeling the need for a little spot of sun, a moment of breaking through the soil, of blooming and softening the edges of my world, spread some greens and pinks and lavenders in amongst the browns and greys. So, I will try to learn to give my own self a little bit of light, a spot of sun, some warmth and good feelings. Maybe if I practice enough with others, I will figure out how to do it for myself. Maybe I just need to start practicing. It's all about practice, this life. Practicing, until you're just doing it without thinking/wondering/critiquing, just doing.
I came from Michelle's link and I think your post is beautiful. It resonates with me (I, too, live in the bay area) on many levels. I practice by remembering to breathe deeply whenever I get myself backed into a corner. Thank you.
Posted by: Leslie | February 17, 2008 at 05:57 PM