Does anyone else have a list of things on their "Life's" To-Do List that just seem to get moved from one week to the next, and from one month to the next? Copied and re-copied from one list to another?
On a wednesday morning, early in the studio, I take a look around to see what my world is made up of these days. I notice many things in process, unfinished, being contemplated, in flux, in planning stages, sketches.
And instead of seeing things not done, not finished, I am trying on some new eyes, just for size, and looking at all these pieces as possibilities, things that will be, ideas that are being born.
It is all a matter of perspective I think, all a matter of looking at the positive, at the process, the flow.
Twyla Tharp in her book The Creative Habit talks about ritual, pattern and repetitive memory to tame and quiet the fears and the self-doubts and the ugly, awful voices in [my] head. And so this is a change in ritual for me. To see the unfinished as potential instead of seeing it as things I have not finished, plans I have fallen short of, ideas that have not bloomed with the fruition I had hoped for, projects that have [gulp] failed.
"When you have selected the environment that works for you, developed the start-up ritual that impels you forward every day, face down your fears, and put your distractions in their proper place, you have cleared the first hurdle. You have begun to prepare to begin." -Twyla Tharp
And so, I begin with developing a new Start the Day Ritual: looking at what is ready to burst forth, what is wanting to lay still, and thus, prepare to begin, and see my days, my work, and my life with these new eyes of mine: looking for the positives, stepping up to take my place at my painting table and begin this new day, this new ritual of creation.
Sometimes it just takes sitting in a different chair at the kitchen table and drinking my morning cup of tea (or coffee). Sometimes it is just standing in a different spot to look at the hills just west of our house, to see the colours that have been there all week. Sometimes just being able to see the same things in a new way only takes stepping around and over the old perspective, tilting the head, maybe a little squint to create a nice blur, and suddenly, I have new eyes.
That, and painting, reading, listening - all day in my studio. No breaks to do the things I really "should". No distracting myself with other "stuff". I feel more complete, I feel more at peace inside, I feel more positive and I feel like I have more energy. Now, the real test is: how do I get myself to remember that the act of creating is what renews and energizes me, pulls me out of the doldrums, cleans the cobwebs out of my head. That is the hard part for me, I let myself forget what I really need.
I had several beautiful reminders this week, and want to pass them along to anyone who is interested:
This wonderful podcast from Marisa at Creative Thursday. A wonderfully candid and generous talk about making money as an artist, the risks, the perils and the joys and how it all came together for this artist.
This beautiful post about giving ourselves the gift of time to create.
This moment with an artist and her cello.
New artwork and exciting news about a forthcoming book from this artist.
This honest and heartfelt series of posts from one artist's perspective of the Artfest experience.
Spending more time reading instead of watching movies: I am really loving all of these reads just now...
And the painting, and working on a canvas instead of a monitor...
is pure joy. After days, and truth be told, weeks of feeling stuck and tired and completely uninterested in my own artwork, my own creativity, and then, just a small shift in perspective (very much helped by the list above) and the metaphorical faucet is opened.
The central piece on this canvas board is a photo I took of my sister
(standing) when she was about 10 or 11, and I was 15 or 16, on a beautiful summers day at Cranes Beach, looking for shells and the ever elusive blue sea glass, and I remember the thrill of learning and mastering my grandfather's old Leica SLR, printing this photo in the darkroom and feeling so completely happy and compelled to keep creating more, every free moment I had. That is the perspective from which I want to live, from which I want to experience this life, this moment.
I love a good shelf.
I love a good windowsill,
oh, and a mantelpiece too.
There is something so wonderful about cleaning and rearranging all my "things" that all live on these horizontal spaces in our home. Putting some things away, and taking out other things .:. I was that girl who would rearrange her bedroom once a month : move the furniture, take down old drawings and put new ones up, rearrange my glass animal collection (oh!), rearrange the boxes and jewels on my bureau, and all the little "things" on my windowsills. I have always had a thing for things, probably the reason my studio is in the state it's in.
So, I was thinking about all my things, and how I need to part with many of these things, and it truly is changing a lifestyle for me. That probably sounds just too ridiculous, but when I started thinking about when this "thing" collecting started, I couldn't remember a time when it wasn't a part of me. I have even packed "things" and moved them far far away with me. These "things" include stuff like stones, and bones and shells, and broken jewelery, and pieces of wood, and basically, things that have charmed me, have intrigued me, have given me something and so, I befriended them, and moved them into my various home(s).
I am still cleaning my studio and this little story is not holding me back, it just got me to thinking about the things we (I) collect, and bring into our (my) lives, and then, before we (I) realise it, all these things have taken up way more room than one could ever have believed.
I took some photos of our mantelpiece. I wanted to start looking at all my things with different eyes, and sometimes when you take a photograph, it lets you see the real space, not the space that you have somehow come to see it as. I hope that makes sense. There could be less things, but I love all these things, all collected or given to me by those who know my true inclinations. Yes, that's a cow jaw on the mantel, (sent to me from massachusetts) beside the last one in a set of cranberry crystal champagne glasses that belonged to by grandmother. I love juxtaposition, (and I love the word too), but even more that that, letting completely disparate elements rest beside each other, and form a relationship.
In looking at these 2 photos I realised, that looking past all my "things", that those two words juxtapose and disparate form the core of most all of the artwork and writing I have ever created.
And so, new ideas are born, from all the things I have carried around with me, for so many years. What a smile that brings...
It seems that so many things go into starting something new, including a year.
It's been a slow and quiet entry for me.
Listening.
Cleaning.
Thinking.
Walking.
Planning,
and listening some more.
I've thought a lot about the choosing of a word for 2008. And about all the mondo beyondo things I want to manifest for 2008.
About the secret things I wish for,
and how to pull them out :
a long string of pearls, each worn with touching and turning.
Balance: a state of equilibrium or equipoise; equal distribution of weight, amount, etc.
Doesn't sound all that exciting, but starting new endeavors makes me think of things that have gone by. Times in my life, people I have known, experiences that have passed. I realised that the last decade of my life has been about Work. Work that has been creative and fun and exasperating and energising and moving and exhausting. There has not been a whole lot of play in amongst all this work, and so my quest for 2008 is to find that balance between working and playing .:. going for it and lounging taking work that earns some money and working on my art that may not earn money, at least not right away.
Mum on a tricycle, playing with us...
When I looked up play in the dictionary, I found a diverse group of definitions: an exercise or activity for amusement or recreation .:. fun or jest, as opposed to seriousness .:. an attempt to accomplish something, often in a manner showing craft or calculation; maneuver. So, play is not all whimsy and spontaneity. The balance I seek between work and play, is more on the whimsy, spontaneous side of play.
artist • designer • writer • hairtwirlet • over-achiever
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