Along with my brown eyes, 2 slightly tipped eye teeth, a button nose, and an inclination to go barefoot most all the time, I inherited the worry gene from my mother. There have been times when it has taken over my life, and other times it is running quietly in the background. It is almost always there.
In the midst of changes in my working life, the worry bug has been visiting me lately and so rather than blindly giving into that voice, I've been searching for ways to take its power away, to render it speechless, to pull it's metaphorical plug.
A few weeks ago I had to cancel a trip that I had much looked forward to, due to some unforseen things that came up, and so was home for the weekend unexpectedly. My husband had a gig that weekend and he said there would be a will-call ticket for me if I decided to get over my grumpy disappointment and come. So I surprised my grumpy-disappointed-self and I went.
It's funny how things happen. Don't we all say that at different times for different reasons? At the show that night the woman who had put the whole thing together talked about how she had been nervous while rehearsing and putting the show together. She is a drummer, an amazing jazz drummer who is in her early 70s now, and she had focused this show around her debut as a singer. A place out of her comfort level, out of the known, out of the Safe limits of what she is used to doing on stage.
While rehearsing for the show and feeling worried sometimes, she came across a quote, couldn't remember who had said it, but she wanted to share it with the audience: Worry is the biggest misuse of imagination. And I sat there, in the dark audience, and felt she was speaking directly to me. Sure, she was speaking to all of us, but for that second, she was speaking directly to me, directly to my heart.
So, what was I to do with that but take it to heart. I have imagination in abundance (thankfully) and so each moment of worry I have attempted to actively re-direct to imagination. Each second of doubt, look to imagination. Each hour of will we be able to pay all our bills this month, well, you got it, come on in imagination, because Worry sure isn't going to pay those bills, but I have a pretty good hunch that Imagination will come up with some solutions.
I have come up with some new ideas and some new projects, and my absolute newest (and for now my most exciting) one is that phrase painted on the wall of my studio, very large, hard to miss, and always in very plain sight. A reminder to that worry voice, that there are other ways to go, and different ways to play. Worry is the biggest misuse of imagination. Mm-hmm, that's what I need to hear...
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